Wednesday 4 March 2009

from misha

Wednesday 25 February: Ash Wednesday.
The Dark/New Moon -- The beginning of 40 days of wandering.

To wander: to move from place to place, either without a purpose or without a known destination…

To wander -- To Search: a careful and thorough examination in order to find something or something…

Wilderness: a mostly uninhabited area, uncultivated, wild.

To purify: to free of sin, guilt, and uncleanness – a ritual cleansing…

Wednesday 4 March
First Quarter, she grows again.

I am not sure if I am giving up something as much as letting go.
I am not sure I can write the things I am letting go of, as they are so deep, multi-faceted, and mysterious.
But I know something is leaving, something is ebbing away –
And something new will grow there

I have been sweating in bed with flu.
My ears plugged and dangerously close to infection:
First the right side, with my entire rigor and male drives overdone, overdone, overdrawn.
Then the left side, something from the female calling me. Telling me there is a block.
So, the first 7 days of 40, I am ill.

Thursday 26: I perform a dirge for my mother in Whitechapel. Bones and flying angels, deep blood, cries.

Friday 27: I tell my ex-lover that I can no longer be in touch.

Saturday 28 & Sunday 1: I lie in bed. At some point I hear the meow of my cat to wake me. But she lives in Canada, and I live in London.

Monday 2: I go to see the tales of Babylon at the British Museum – all is crumbling. The old order is crumbling… William Blake’s depiction of the Whore of Babylon goes deep into my psyche…

And Tuesday the 3rd I work, I write, I return, I come back to myself a little. I have sweat a lot of the old unneeded out of my body. It has taken thousands of years to get to this point. I feel tender and uncertain, and somehow strong.
Somehow I have arrived. I have made it through the first part of a massive transformation.
words and images

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